Confused and Frustrated

I officially declare that I do not get people. It seems that over the course of the last 6 months I have watched my group of friends dwindle to almost nothing. People I have stood by through any issues they may have had have suddenly decided that I am not worth the same amount of effort (or even a portion of that effort). I literally sent out 5 emails to people I considered really good friends this morning who simply vanished after ditching something I had stressed was very important to me…Of course I am not referring to everybody I know as that would simply be idiotic, but MANY of those I thought were close friends have let me down so badly that I question what their intention was all along.

I was forced off my baseball team by someone who claimed to be my close friend; a guy who has had his share of issues and has driven most of those close to him far away. Not me. I was loyal and tried my best to understand what he was going through, provide an ear to listen and offer any support I could afford to give. How was I repaid? By being yelled at constantly, having everything I do critiqued in an ultra negative fashion, and called names. My final straw was an evening in which my wife made him dinner and while ate, he did nothing but tell me I was doing things wrong, had alienated the team and was hated by almost everyone…he was just sayin'…of course, it was more important to protect the identity of people he just met than to help his FRIEND, which told me that he is not REALLY my friend. He would much rather have the approvals of a group of strangers while throwing his friend under the bus…

I was told that specific people hated me on this team and even after talking to them; nobody thought to speak to Kirby (his name for our purposes here) to ask him to stop spreading such “obvious lies”. The team got hammered every time out, yet NOBODY bothered to ask why I was absent…instead they just listened to Kirby's convoluted version of events all the while claiming that this did not represent their actual feelings. I fought for that team (keeping players on it so we do not forfeit) only to have everyone believe the words of a known liar over me. He abandoned his responsibilities and dumped them on me, which I gladly did in order to keep the team going. He complained bitterly about almost everyone on the team, while I tried to explain that it was a rec league. He refused to carry equipment or pick me up (Both thing s he had agreed on in the beginning), forcing someone else on our team to pick up these responsibilities. Yet as the season wound down, I get emails stating that Kirby has made a decision on MVP etc…who cares???? Really… Why should he have any say since all he did was hurt the team? Whether anyone will admit that or not, is a different story but I can say with 100% certainty that his treatment of me ruined the teams chances of success…too bad nobody actually cares what happened. This is reason number 1 as to why you must look out for you and NOBODY else...NOBODY else cares about you, so you had better

People cannot simply handle someone who is honest. My advice on matters such as this…sit down, be quiet and never encourage or discourage anyone…NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR IT. That's not true actually as they listened to Kirby, despite the fact that he would scream, yell swear and pout. Apparently whatever he told them had far more impact than what I tried to do in person…I must have been lying when I said “nice try” or “don't worry about it”. I really meant, “You all suck compared to me”…sorry for the confusion!

That actually rings true in most cases. You cannot have any sort of opinion that clashes with anyone else's if you want to be friends with him or her. Everyone has to agree wholeheartedly as any difference in opinion is deemed “difficult”. We live in an era where you have to be a yes person and pander to those who are lacking the confidence to handle any criticism. I have far too many of these people in my life so in a way, this is a good exercise for me…trimming the fat and eliminating the stresses in my life. Most of my stresses are people related so this is an excellent way to start!!!

I am looking forward to the birth of our daughter for a number of reasons…first and foremost; I am excited about raising a child with my wife. I feel that we both have the skills and personalities to raise a beautiful, healthy, well-adjusted and intelligent little girl and it will give my life a new focus, which is so desperately lacking. No longer will this sort of thing bother me, as I will have bigger fish to fry so to speak. I will not raise her to be soft, and lacking in self-esteem. I will try and instill the value of logic, common sense, compassion, understanding and selflessness, but at the same time conviction and determination.

I pray that the world recovers and you know longer have to dumb yourself down just to be happy. I will use this blog as an outlet for any negative energy I have as despite the façade of everyone loves everyone else that seems to be pervasive, it is just that, a façade. Most are no sooner out of earshot when those they were with begin the slam fest. I call it the “ME, fuck you” generation and it is a scary place to live. Not too mention, lonely.

I wonder what happened to my jerseys?…again, a little effort seemed too much to ask….